Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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