Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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