Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
