So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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