and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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