Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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