remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
