every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
