My friends, they love my intelligence
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
