just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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