I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
