yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i've created a new STD.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
