Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
