cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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