and i looked up. we had an audience...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
