My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
