last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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