Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
