after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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