I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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