I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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