before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
