I want to make a zoo with you.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
