i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
