Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
