i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
