Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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