I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
