I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
