Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She bit a glass in half.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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