I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
