I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
