if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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