Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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