i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
