You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
