WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
