what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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