the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
