so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
