nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
