"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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