The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
