i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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