today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
