Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
