I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
this boner is exhausting
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Still dying that you shit outside
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
