Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Bring me that man meat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
