then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
