My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
