how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
