Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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