The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
