i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Boobs speak an international language.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
